Everyone is different and so it is difficult to accurately describe the reaction you may have to the news of your loved one's cancer. It is possible though to cover some of the feelings you will experience and some of the reactions you may have.

We are likely to feel a variety of emotions including shock, anger and despair. Guilt, anxiety and depression are other reactions we might experience. All of these feelings are part of a natural reaction. We did not expect the news and so therefore it is a shock to our brain. We are angry that fate has chosen someone special to us to be a victim and we may feel despair because we feel there is little we can do.

Shock is usually a short-lived reaction. Once our brain has computed the news and we have had time to think about things, the shock begins to wear off. We slowly return to a non-shocked state of being. So while the initial feeling can be severe and even traumatic, it will pass. We will get over our shock.

Anger is a different emotion. If we can find someone to blame, we may wish to vent our anger at that person or thing but often with the diagnosis of cancer, we can't find anyone or anything to blame. We might be angry at our faith if we have one or some other person or event. But anger from us will not help anyone. Certainly it won't help you as you don't think clearly and your loved one won't be pleased to see you in that agitated frame of mind.

So the best thing to do with anger is to channel that energy into something positive, something worthwhile. If that means reading about alternative treatments then throw yourself into that project. Whatever you do don't let the anger burn away inside as that will only make things worse.

Despair is a terrible quality. So many people fall into despair and lose their will to fight. Your loved one who is ill will gain no benefit from seeing or hearing you in despair. This is a call to arms time. This is a situation where you simply have to change direction and force yourself to think positive thoughts. Your loved one needs help and for that you must be calm and strong and never - never in despair. You can overcome despair with action which is helpful. Find worthwhile things to do to occupy your time and if those things help your loved one then so much the better.

Honesty is nearly always the best policy in dealing with a sick friend. They want you to be honest or certainly they don't want you to be dishonest making promises you can't keep.

Remember that whatever you are going through in terms of your feelings, your loved one is going through all that and more. They are the one with the diagnosis and they are the one who needs your love and support. Whatever your feelings, control them, turn them to good thoughts or replace them with positive and practical actions. We can't stop reacting a certain way but we can try to handle those reactions and help both our loved one and ourselves.


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