Want to Know the Best Way to Help a Cancer Patient? Don't Ask
Understanding the needs of a cancer patient can significantly help with their recovery. I believe the number one need of cancer patients is to know that they have the support of friends, family and loved ones. But when no one comes through on his or her offer to help, you begin to wonder if people really do care. And let me tell you, when you're already in a fragile, emotional, state and dealing with a serious illness, the last thing you need is to feel like you are in this alone.
That's what happened to me. Right after I was diagnosed, the offers to help came pouring in. This was all new to me, so at the time, I wasn't sure what kind of help I might need. By the time I figured it out, I didn't feel comfortable soliciting help and all the calls offering to help had stopped. A few months later, after all the excitement had died down, everything went back to normal as if I were cured. But the reality was, I was not cured, nor would I be anytime soon. Life went on because it had to. I still had to go to work; I still had to take care of my kids; I still had to go to the store and cook; and I still had cancer. What most people don't understand is that with some cancers, you don't look as sick as you are. More importantly, they don't understand that some cancer drugs, like the one I'm on, are like a daily chemo treatment. I'm not going every three weeks and getting hooked up to a port, but I take a pill everyday, so I feel fatigue, everyday.
Fatigue seems to be one of the most common complaints among cancer patients. Simple household chores and tasks like going to the grocery store, cooking, mowing the lawn, laundry, and housework have become much more daunting. But because of pride, some cancer patients find it hard to come right out and ask for what they need. In a perfect world, someone would just go to the store for me, without asking; or I would come home and find dinner on the table, without asking. In a really perfect world, I would come home to find that someone was kind enough to have taken my kids out of the house for a couple of hours so that I could rest.
Unfortunately, this isn't a perfect world, but it is a world filled with sensitive, caring, people who would love nothing more than to help make someone's life a little easier and show they care. A simple act of kindness like spending time with someone, helping them by taking care of something that needs done, or giving words of encouragement can make a difference in someone's life. So the next time you think about asking someone living with cancer how you can help, don't ask; just do it.
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